Monday, April 18, 2011

Sweaty Palms!


Well, I did it. I actually did it. I spent the money, and stepped off the proverbial fence I have been on for over two years......and I applied, was accepted, registered and start class on May 16.

I am on my way to actually getting my AAS as a Veterinary Technician. I will have an associates degree, and if I actually finish, pass the State Exam I will eventually be a LVT (licensed veterinary technician) WOW!

And....my palms are sweating. Actually I am wondering if all this moisture will ruin my keyboard?? I am sooooo nervous, stupid I know but I am worried...will I be able to take this ONE course and pass, will I be tearing my hair out just trying to find the time. Is it going to be hard??? What if I fail, what if I quit, what if tomorrow the truck dies and I need the $369.00 I just blew to register for my class. ONE CLASS and look at me, thank goodness I didn't sign up for 3! I would probably be limp in my chair!

Well, wish me luck. Luck that my internet works when needed (online course), luck that I am not working on my class nightly for 2-3am because that is the only time I have, luck that I stick to this and don't panic and loose interest, luck above all that I finish and reach a goal!


Oh by the way, if I am not blogging that would be because the time I had is now devoted to screaming at my computer trying to get in an assignment due in 15mins, that's all!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Run Free


Monday started as a good day. I was motivated to get some things done. My house was in dire need of being cleaned. My floors were filthy, I had a large stack of dishes, and much more to do.

My mother called, and I got to talk with her for a while...we always talk a while anymore. The weather was not perfect, but considering what we had been having,
it wasn't bad. As I was ending my phone conversation with my mom, I looked out my back window to check on a cow that had been laboring off and on all morning. Sure enough, brand new baby calf just coming into the light of this world. It was a good day.

I was making good progress in cleaning, floors just needed moped, dishes we done, laundry was coming to a close. I went out back to check on mom and calf. To my surprise I was going to have another baby, Peppy our favorite, most beloved mare was in foal and due any day. It appeared she had entered into the final stages of labor.

Thunder clouds started rolling in, and the wind picked up. I stayed outside with her for twenty minutes or so. I started thinking about the girls inside, I thought Macy might enjoy seeing a foal be born. I came inside Rozi was still sleeping, got Macy and we h
eaded back outside.

We waited and watched. I started to realize that things were not progressing like they should, and that we had a problem. Saying nothing to Macy we came back inside, and I called work.

One of the vets was in town "shopping", the other said he would come as soon as possible. Thirty minutes later he arrived and I went rushing out to meet him. I had been watching Peppy from the window and I knew things were getting bad. She was up and down, hardly able to stand the pain.

He palpated her, which I had already done, and told him that she was just barely dilated, which is not good. He agreed. Her pain was so eminent, we could not even see her contractions anymore. He gave her banamine (anti-inflammatory) , assessed her as unready to deliver and was packing his bag with instructions to watch her through the night.....I was not impressed. He decided to check her heart rate, by my watch and his count her HR was at 100......incredibly high, close to inducing shock in a horse. At that moment Macy hollered for me from the house, I had to go check the girls.

As I was racing up to the house I was really wishing that the other vet from the clinic would have come, praying for Peppy's safe delivery of her new foal, and that she would be fine, and I quickly added please send the other vet. I soothed Rozi, put in a movie for Macy and headed back out the door. There in my backyard was a bright red Chevy, owned by the other doc. Thank God!

I walked up to them in the middle of discussion. The first Vet was debating on
Colic, the second was asking about Uterine Torsion. That was my exact thoughts and concerns about Peppy. More accurately, I was thinking about the time years ago when I had been told, :well, look at it this way, this is so rare you won't possibly have to endure it again."

There was another emergency for another client and they were debating about what to do. I could tell that Doc number two was highly concerned about my mare, and wanted to get to work on her. Vet One decided to leave and go to the other call. Again, thank God. Everyone has there specialty and horses are not Vet One's.

Immediately Vet Two went to work on Peppy, he also quickly assessed her cervix to be too small to deliver. He decided to sedate her to help calm her pain and keep her still so h
e could exam her better and make progress. A friend called, he was calling for another reason entirely but I told him I needed help with the girls, a man and all, he rushed right over. He only lives two miles away so he arrived while sedation was taking effect. He went right inside to see how the girls were doing. Vet Two checked progress on the cervix, and it had increased in size so he was able to rupture her placenta (break her water) hoping this would increase her contractions. We were still unable to evaluate what was wrong with Peppy. All we know was she had acute pain, her contractions were working against her, and the foal was still alive. My friend came out, Macy was intently watching her movie, and Rozi had fallen back asleep. Vet Two was shoulder deep inside Peppy, and finally found our problem. She was in fact my worst fear, a Uterine Torsion.

To those who are not medical junkies, a Uterine Torsion, is when the uterus in fact twists, just like you would twist a bag to close. Once it is twisted there is no way for the foal to receive it's vital resources from the mare. Blood and oxygen are cut off. The foal will slowly begin to die. Next her body becomes toxic from the death of her fetus, and she to dies. As for treatment, you can open her from both sides while standing, and manually twist the uterus back to the right position. Then you sew her back up, and hope that she can deliver the foal naturally. Unfortunately you need a mare who can stand, and due to the large amounts of pain induced by a torsion, they have a hard time standing. If you do nothing you will loose both mare and foal.

It began raining as I stood there and watched the labored breathing of one of my closest friends. I knew before he began telling me the fate of this great mare. Unfortunately, by some ill fate we had already experienced this once in a lifetime medical disaster. It had ended abruptly, and all was lost.

Vet Two had given me my options, options I already knew. We had to decide quickly if there was even hope of one life being saved. I ran to the pick-up where I knew our .22 pistol was stored under the seat. As I reached for it, thoughts raced through my head and tears, as they do right now, welled to my eyes. Life is such a precious gift, a gift I get to see yearly as our foals and calves are born into this world. A gift I hold dear to my heart as I rock my little ones in my lap. A gift I value as I feed my family, the meat we have hunted or raised. I brought the pistol out from under the seat, and walked slowly back to where she lay.

Vet Two took the pistol with brief instructions, and my friend wrapped his large bear like body around me and held me tight as the wind whipped around us all. One loud sharp sound, and I opened my eyes to Vet Two furiously cutting into her side. I quickly rushed over and helped pull a struggling, slimy mess from within her. I ripped at the placenta with my bare hands, praying for a loss to heal into a life.

A large beautiful bay roan colt emerged, with a tiny white star, and big bright eyes. He was looking deep into mine, as tears still streamed down my face. I watched as Vet and friend dragged him into the shelter out of the storm, he was snuggled into clean warm straw and struggling to grasp life.

Risks are taken as that. You win some you loose some. Life is full of choices, we all make them good ones, bad ones, indifferent ones. This was a good one, a life for a life. A risk worth taking, even at great loss. Don had come home at the end of this tale, his heart was heavy as we tried, and tried to keep those big brown eyes from closing.

This story has an unhappy ending. Those big, dark eyes closed for good that night. He is with his mom in pastures too green. Where horses run free, and clouds never grey. His life would have been tough, and his sentence was grim. He is where he will be best, with his mother forever running free.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

WAITING.......

I hate waiting......

I am currently waiting for the wind to stop and the sun to shine. We really want to go outside.

I currently feel like I have a lot on hold right now, waiting on one thing. I am a very impatient person, so it is always a trail for me to wait. It is not a big deal, no harm in waiting, but it is driving me crazy.

I also hate for certain things to happen in a hurry. I am a natural procrastinator....but there are a few things I don't like to do that with. While I am waiting, I am risking putting some of those things into a huge procrastinated pattern. Not thrilled, but I know that right now it is important to wait.

So I will keep waiting, I will try to not go silently insane, and I know that eventually the wait will be over, and I will move forward.

Funny thing, I am waiting for some news. I could go either way on this one, at this point I just wanna know which way it is I am going. I "think" I would prefer one way over the other....but at this moment I am not really sure. I guess I will just hurry up and wait.

Good news is that tomorrow is supposed to be 59 degrees, no wind, gorgeous!! We are gonna go play outside, all day!!

Monday, March 28, 2011

My Island



I was missing my mom today, depressed by the snow, and wishing we could have a fun day together to take my mind off of it.

Plans changed for a friend and we decided to go to town together, not the same, but the nexxt best thing. She bought me a gift, it really gave me a piece of my mom and her island.

One of the coolest things in St. Croix is all the jungle flowers. When we were there in August there were these beautiful Jungle flowers in bloom everywhere, my favorite was the hibiscus that grew all over, including right out my mom's front door. So in Sam's Club of all places they had these beautiful planted Hibiscus trees. I loved it and really wanted one but was being cheap. Chelsey bought it for me as a Thank you.

It is beautiful, and will look beautiful inside, until we truly have summer than it can live outside and then come back in for the winter. I will have my own small island year round ( I plan to add a fish tank with seahorses someday). Something that when again I am missing my mom I can sit down and look at my Hibiscus and imagine hers, by her pool, her door, and everywhere else on her island.

It's the small things really, that make the most out of life.

Monday, March 21, 2011

FIRST DAY OF SPRING - And I'm 30!

Welcome 30!

I have done a lot in 30 years, but the last 30 years were the expected 30 years. You are born, you grow and go to school - 12yrs, then you should go to college - 4yrs, I went 1 1/2, and then tried my hand at some practical knowledge, you get married I have done that - 8yrs. We have had kids, and in a few short weeks I will have been a parent for 5yrs. Collectivly that is 29yrs of life lived, summed up really quick.

Now for my 30th year and on......I have no plans!

I mean, I plan to be a good mom, a great wife. I hope to continue my lifelong education, I hope to grow in my job, or out of it - however you look at that. I hope to live life fully, to explore, play, relax, and enjoy life.

I know there will be sorrow, I know there will be difficult times, I know that I can't always succeed in life. But I plan to try.

But, I have no BIG PLANS.....I like it. I am sure that by tomorrow that will change. I have to have my lists, I have to have my goals......but for today, on my birthday I have no plans other than to be better at the most important things in life, Motherhood, Marriage, and Me, to make me a better person.

Hows that for the next 30 years. I plan to be a mother, a wife, and to make me be the best that I can.

Thank you mommy and daddy for bringing me into this wonderful world thirty years ago. Thank you for at almost this same point in your life also becoming my mother. Thank you for setting a great example as parents, and as people. Thanks for giving me the opportunity, and I look forward to sharing the next 30 years with you as well!!

Love
Me

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Holy Cow!


First of all, I just realized it has almost been a month since my last post!! How totally boring for those of you who check in on me.

Second, I am turning 30 in exactly 4 days (4 1/2 technically a 1/2 a day left today). I can't believe it. I actually was dreading turning 30 a year ago. Usually I procrastinate, but I think I jumped the gun and stressed out about turning 30 a whole year in advance, because now that I am staring it in the face, I am thinking "Bring It On"!

Bring On the next 30 years. I don't want my kids to grow up, but since it is the inevitable.....I look forward to having a front row seat to the main event. I am looking forward to the travels, adventures, and mysteries of the next 30 yrs. I am hoping for bucket loads of self improvement, deep pools of fun, and everlasting joy. I now their will be disappointments, and sad times, but who looks forward to those kind of things.

I like to make lists (thanks mom) and I had made a list when I turned 29 of things I wanted to achieve before I turned 30. Funny thing is a didn't achieve any of the things on the list, but I did some really amazing, fun, and new things last year. I topped it all off with my best surprise of the year, Rozalyn. So instead of making lists, and plans to be fowled. I am just looking and waiting for all the the things just beyond the horizon. I know that there are great things ahead, and I am all for them.

Besides, everyone knows the old adage "Everything gets better with time".


Thursday, February 24, 2011

Ahhhh a day off!

Morbid moment at work yesterday, made me really wonder why I like my job. Sometimes we have to do things that are necessary, but so awful.

I don't know if it is the stress of things, due to the remodel and such, but work has really been a drag. I literally have to drag myself out of bed the days I work. I really used to love my job, I felt important, and I wanted to be there. Now I feel like a slave, who is overworked and under appreciated. Nobody seems to care if I go the extra distance. I am constantly finding, and fixing complete screw ups. Yet, my bosses are doing nothing to improve the situation even though they are well aware of it.

I love animals, and on occasion I get to do my job description "Veterinary Technician". Those moments I love it, don't care that I am under appreciated, and feel like I am really using my talents and abilities. However, most the time I am answering phones, cleaning the toilet, apologizing for our short comings, and doing laundry. I would do these things everyday without blinking....if I could do more of the actual things that fall under my job description. I would not complain if I felt like my efforts, my above and beyond attitude was noticed and appreciated. I try to tell myself that, yes I am appreciated, yes they did notice that I went above and beyond. Yet, the truth shines in their actions and words.

For example, I personally, on my own, worked with a client to sell them a Powder River Squeeze Chute. I called the distributor several times, bent over backwards, argued and dickered with our distributor of this equipment, called the client, called the distributor, back and forth. Finally yesterday the client came in and decided that yes, they are going to buy the item. They are spending $9000.00, of which the clinic receives 20% of the retail value. Will I get a bonus will I get 1%. NOPE! Nada, of course if I worked at Walmart, or John Deere I wouldn't expect it because my title is Retailer, however that is not my title yet I do it anyway.

My true job title should be something like: Animal Care Specialist, with Mechanic abilities (including lawn mowing and tractor operator), Painter, Maid, Receptionist, Retailer, Counselor, and Punching Bag.

I try to tell myself that this is what it is to work for someone else, but I am beginning to really think there is better options. At least somewhere I might be equally compensated for that above mentioned job title.

Anyways, had to vent somewhere.

The beauty of it, I have the next two days off.