Sunday, March 10, 2013

Goodbye's, linger in my soul

Never an easy task, saying Goodbye.

I find that I am becoming quite emotional as I get older, I am getting more and more attached to relationships, and finding it harder and harder to say goodbye. I feel the distance that escapes between me and the people I love to be more vast and empty.

I personally felt this for the first time 3 1/2 years ago as I stood in an airport in the middle of the night watching my parents get checked in to board a plane 3500 miles away from where I stood. It hurt like hell, my baby cried, clear back into Idaho where sleep finally took over.

A year ago I did the same exact thing to my friends, saying goodbye to some of the best people I have ever know. It hurt a little less, because only days before had I said goodbye to the love of my life, and my final destination would be in his arms again.

Now, as I float in the middle of the Caribbean. I feel the loss of those people so much more. It's the little things that you forget, or don't even bother to notice. Extra help on a weekend, or unexpected visits. Little things that often times seemed inconvenient or poorly planned. I miss them immensely  and realize the gifts that I had. You come to realize how much you relied on those people, and how good they were to you, and how much your truly love them when they are gone.

Recently we had company, two of our dearest friends (more life family really), and we had a blast. Life long memories and moments to share over and over again. Adventures, and laughter filled our days. It amazes me how quickly you rekindle old flames, and how small children become attached to a complete stranger in mere moments of time. Before we could prepare, days slipped by and it was time for them to go. We arrived once again at that tale tail place of arrival and departure. Goodbye was seamless, I didn't want them to regret the fun we had shared. The hugs were warm, and appreciated as a chance to show gratitude and love to last until next time.

As I drove away a tear slid down my face, and then another as I questioned the length of our stay on this tiny mirage in the ocean. Wondering when I would see our great friends again.

Today, we arrived again at that gate of Goodbye. Friends we met a mere 6 months ago were once again leaving our lives. Friends from Don's work, a couple with three charming boys who despite their shrill Puerto Rican voices, and wild antics had found a way into our hearts. They are moving on to bigger and better. Texas their final destination. As we kissed, and hugged, and kissed again. I couldn't help but wonder if I ever will see this family again in my travels of life. Tears welled up, and I washed them down again wanting no sadness to spoil their excited departure.

How can I help you say Goodbye. I don't think there is any easy route to this moment. I would like to do it a lot less than I have in the last year. Yet, in two weeks I will be right here again. Life is full of hellos, and goodbyes....mine seems to have more goodbyes just like sometimes you have more blueberries than cobbler.

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