Idle in August

I have been struggling lately with idle time on my hands.

For the first time in years I haven't had a job. Honestly I don't know exactly how long, but I was working for my dad in his office at twelve. A long time. But in the last thirteen years I have been working thirty to fifty hours a week. The days I wasn't working at one job, I was working at another.

I don't have a college degree. I started but never finished. It is not my cup of tea. I went to college with great aspirations to become a Marine Veterinarian. It lasted 3 semesters, and one College level Chemistry class and I realized I didn't want to work that hard. So what did I do, I entered the field of manual labor.

I have been a lifeguard, a swim instructor, a burrito maker, a department store clerk, a survey crew cheif, a rodman, draftsman, a stall cleaner, a horse trainer, an equine manager, a Secretary and accountant, a finish carpenter, a framer, a framing foreman, receptionist, farmer, and a Veterinarian Technician.

Quite the resume really. Most of that, actually all of it is not what I intended to do. However all of it suits me, and fits with my personality. I learned a lot, I did things I never thought I could and things I never want to do again. Some things I will tell my grandchildren about, some probably not.

So now what? Most of you are saying, you forgot the most important thing. You are a mother, that in itself is a full time job.  I haven't forgotten anything. Yes, I am a mother to two of the most amazingly unique, talented, and loving girls one could know (see there is the mother in me shining through). I am a firm believer that being a Mother is not a job, it's a lifestyle choice. It's like getting a tattoo (much more painful though), and dressing in bohemian fashion. I chose to be a mother, and will be a mother forever. It's not my job, it is way to enjoyable or painful depending on the day. If this was a job, I know for a fact there are days I would have quit already. So my search must continue.

I have been looking on the web at job postings for a few weeks now, in indecision. I am torn, I don't really want a job. I have to admit I am enjoying laying on the couch with my BFF's and watching Disney movies. I like that I can stay up until one, and sleep until eight. I don't have a kitchen full of dirty dishes, my bathrooms are cleaned more than quarterly. My laundry is done, and put away. But when all the chores are done, the counters clear and the kids are sleeping I feel like my day was unproductive and my self worth is equal to zero. Never been one to grade myself on cleanliness or amount of crafts completed. I have always enjoyed looking back and seeing a house built by my hand, or a dog alive because I was there at that moment and made it count.

I have been writing. That is something, but I often feel like it is an indulgence. You never know if anyone besides you will see any value in your story and help you breathe life into it. I hope so, but until then it is like sipping fine wine, and eating fancy chocolates. It makes me feel fantastic, so I will continue to indulge. 

I would like to teach again. I always enjoyed that. Even now when I can successfully teach my children something new with very little struggle, that is an accomplishment. I am passionate about many things, but the one thing I love to share the most is my love of  Equine companions. There is much to learn and be learned in the realm of the equine species, I never tire of it. It has always been my strongest passion, so I guess for now I will dust off the business cards, find some students, and go ride.

Blood, Water, & Wine

"Blood is thicker than water, but in my profession I have found blood will often run quicker than water when leaving a wounded heart."
                                          a moment at work, chaos surrounding my observation



This life is about learning to let go, growing into perfection, and building relationships. Not necessarily in that order. Family is the only relationship that is given to us, and it is often the one we learn the least about, work very little at building, and almost always have the hardest time letting go. 

Eleven and a half years ago I met a man that was not family. I thought him funny, peculiar,
honest, and often grumpy. He was nothing more to me than water. I saw him on occasion, a couple of times a week. He frequented one of my hangouts at the time. 

He would make small talk with me as I waited for a ride, and he complimented me often on my ability to "ignore the obvious", his words not mine. I figured it out eventually, but not by myself.

Blood mixed with water, it created a river that today is the root of my soul. 

This man was named Donald Monroe Thorp. He is my father in law, and one of the two unyielding forces that brought me and my husband together. My mother is the other one, but today this story is about Don or "Senior".

One day while waiting for a ride, he caught me by surprise and offered me a job. It was odd, because it was a job that sounded trivial, and honestly something he or his boy could handle. I was intrigued and accepted. He had hired me to halter break a filly, a yearling Quarter horse filly. Easy enough, I hopped in his truck and he drove me to his house where the filly was kept. This was not your ordinary filly, she was bred by the devil, conceived by a horse. As we leaned on her pen that was bent in seven different directions, fire breathed from her nose, and her eyes were rimmed with red. I couldn't back down now, I had something to prove. I was a cowgirl and nothin' scared me. 

There was more to the story. See Senior bought this mare with a filly by her side, he did it without the consent of his business partner, also know as his ranch hand/halter breaking/son. So in turn that partner refused to see the beauty of this package deal, and would not lay a hand on either of the horses. 

On day three or four of my frustration I was making progress but it was slow, and I had a bruise the shape of Alaska on my shin. The business partner came out to see how it was going. I remember he leaned on the pen, beer in hand and watched me sweat for twenty minutes or so. Then he said something along the lines of "she's a real bitch." Not wanting to let him win, I decided to win him over with this filly. 

It never worked...she really was a bitch, her mother even worse. I sold them both actually and did a dance when I did..that is a whole other story too. 

The point wasn't about these horses, the point was to bring Don (junior) and I together. It worked and it has lasted. 

Senior was a sneaky devil, he always had a twinkle in his eye, and a dry sense of humor you couldn't help but smile at. He had a heart as big as Texas, and the love he had for his children was eternal. He was honest, to a fault. He had a work ethic that could put the toughest men to shame. He was stubborn, and very insistent sometimes to a fault.  

I was disappointed that I only got to know this man for a little over a year and half. However as coincidence would have it I got to work side by side with him for that entire year and a half. Not to mention live within thirty feet of him. I will never forget the morning he came with coffee and the thrifty nickel to find me in the kitchen. The look on his face was priceless as he mumbled something about coming back later, and so much for weddings. 

So although I don't know him like I should I got an opportunity to see a part of his soul. He left to early ten years ago today. His son and two daughters miss him dearly. I wish my daughters could have met him, he would have loved them with all his heart. I figure he is watching over us, and sometimes I can see him with his hands in his pockets, toothpick in mouth, with just the hint of a smile thinking damn I did something right. 

 Blood is thicker than water, but we need that blood to run with water to slow it's pace in this great race of life. Stop, sit back and drink a glass of wine. Remember those who have raised you, and remember those who have raised the ones you love. Blood, water, & wine nothing richer, more life fulfilling, or sweeter. 

Zip Snoopy Thorp

i lost a bet some 9 years ago, I saw spots and couldn't let go.

From the beginning I have called him many things, but first to roll off my tongue has often been the phrase "his dog". Today I realized he was always mine, and my heart belongs to not one but two of the most stubborn, brave, and intensely loyal dogs I have ever know.

If you know me, and know me real well these two dogs came into my life, long after a trail of other dogs. Big dogs, little dogs, smart dogs, loyal dogs, brave dogs, and mysterious dogs. Some were with me long, others just a brief moment in my life. I dreamed and dreamed of the day to come when I could have a dog for keeps, to call my own. To create that bond of love forever there. I knew I found one in the eyes of Gunner, but today I realized I had another...

Long story short Zip lost one of his lives today...apparently he has a few more. He apparently robbed the cookie jar of life because he is beyond his fair share, thank God. This venture was not his fault (not this time anyways) but merely the fault of his stupid humans. Don came to bed after me, closed the doors and shut off the lights. He failed to count heads. How he missed Zip's click clack across the floor into the bedroom after him, I don't know.

Being a dog, he gave up on his stupid humans somewhere through the night and went exploring. Or perhaps a cat caught his fancy. Whatever happened, he was gone when the sun rose. Don woke me, and in panic said that Zip was gone the door was open. "WHAT" I said as I leaped up in bed. Panic filled my chest as I thought of my sleeping girls. Quick to reply Don said he'd been upstairs, and then explained that the door was open when he went to bed, he closed it but failed to check for Zip.

We checked the neighborhood, with no luck. Don went to work and I promised to be at the shelter tapping on the window. I got a call shortly after. A lady had found Zip lying in the road, she was able to approach him read his tags before a vehicle startled him and he bolted with an impressive limp. At least I had a location, just a mere 5 miles away, as the crow flies. WHAT THE HELL!

He is fine recovering on the couch with his watchful brother on the floor beneath him. He is sore, in pain, but appears to be free of broken bones. (his brother woke me at 2am last night, something he never does, unfortunately I dismissed him.) Alls well that ends well, but it made me reflect about lifes tiny moments, and how they measure up to be something really important, and meaningful in the end.

Zip was a gift to us, from dear friends. We had recently lost a dog who showed up on our porch. Don is a big fan of Heelers, she had been a red heeler. Our friends on their way out to our house to BBQ, came across a box of puppies at Albertsons. Heeler/German Shorthair cross, they picked a pup and brought him out. They said they would keep him if we didn't want him. He was adorable, he fit in two hands. I said no, Don said yes. I agreed to a sleepover, he still sleeps on the bed, under the covers or at least on the covers on the floor as a dead weight.

Zip was destined to be his name. Don knew it from the start, and somehow I did to. He had that look of awesome intelligence. I have come across many "Zip" Heeler dogs in my profession. Few have met the name with as much respect and authority as ours. Recently at the last place of work I had to explain to a born and bred Montana gal about "Last of the Dog Men." I still think she didn't get it. "You have to see the movie!" I said. It explains why all owners of heelers wish and hope they have a Zip. I failed to mention that I had a real, true gem at home.

Zip has had an annual trip to the vet from the very beginning. Stitches, a metal pin in his leg, you name it. He is a dog that just won't quit. His heart is as big as gold, his eyes are the color of it, and his intense personality is one to match. I haven't met a person that doesn't like him, in the early days when Don took him to job sites he turned down money for his wonderful dog Zip.

Today as I was driving around, calling out his customary "zip, zip, zip" high pitched like he likes it, of course, I wondered if I'd lost the bastard forever. He had really won a big spot in my heart, and I wasn't ready to say good bye. He is the kind of dog that takes it all in stride. Even in the islands...a close bet to Hell for dogs if there is one, he was happy. Balls grew on trees, bees tasted like passion fruit, and he would dig you any size mote for your sand castle. I needed him, he still had some babysitting to do, and my feet would get cold this winter without him. When we finally found each other, he knew me the moment my feet hit the ground. You could see it in his eyes to: "Where the hell have you been?" he asked.

He works cattle, he sleeps with my babies, he will die fetching a rock, and his soul is right there in his eyes watching you, never judging. Waiting for you to throw it one more time. I've met a lot of dogs so far in my life, but not one like him. He has captured the hearts of many, and will be immortal in our hearts forever.

Live long good buddy, we need your wisdom, heart, and soul.

Born Again

No I didn't change religious beliefs, or join a new cult. I didn't change my moral compass or find a new demi god.

Although I believe all of this is quite possibly related to divine intervention, fate, and most likely Destiny.

I started a long journey a ways back, most of you have been with me on that road. Reading my blog, seen the pictures, some of you even traveled and met me halfway, or walked by my side. For those of you who are new to this story, go back a few chapters it will make a little more sense. 

I thought I was done when we arrived back in Idaho. I thought I had come full circle. My trip isn’t over yet. My parents, who also lived on "de rock" with us, moved shortly after we did. Simply because of me...they might argue that, but I know the truth. We were leaving, and they didn't want to be so far apart again. It isn't the first time they have ripped up their roots and moved for me...I hope it's the last. I love them, and their undying devotion, but I want them to be happy and full fill their own adventure, not have it cut short because of me. 

My parents relocated to Incline Village, a small town that has population swells based on the seasons. It reminds me of my childhood, the buildings look like old town Frisco, and Breckenridge...nothing like it looks today. This village is on the shores of the most magnificent lake, Lake Tahoe. It really is breathtaking and I hope they stay there a long time. 

They asked if I wanted to and come visit, on one condition, bring a truck and trailer load of their belongings from their storage unit in Idaho. They were happy to see us, but I think for once their belongings even trumped the girls. They had been living for five weeks with very little. Basically thrift store belongings, and the clothes they carried off the island. 

It was a great trip. Beautiful scenery, and beautiful company. Sadly the time went too fast, and we loaded ourselves up and traveled back across the Nevada dessert. If you have ever traveled that path you know how long, lonely, and desolate it is. As we coasted down I-80 the girls sound asleep exhausted from their fun at Grandma's, I popped in my new Kenny Chesney CD Life on this Rock. I fell in love as I listened to the soundtrack of the past 14 months that I had just spent living on a rock very much like his own. I am guessing that there are some Kenny fans out there simply up in arms as he breaks out in lyric “jammin' with the Wailers”....but let me tell you.  You can't but help embrace the lifestyle that surrounds you. One that sings of lifting up, joining together, and saving the world with love and peace. It really is an appealing idea. 

As I listened to Kenny, I started driftin' I thought a lot about my time on the "de island", I really began to miss it. I did a lot of complaining, and God knows I was homesick really missing my steeds, he heard me every night. But, I loved the lifesytle. I loved the fact that I could take my children to the beach bar and we could chill all night long. I miss the people...all of them. 

I changed CD's halfway across the dessert to my all time favorite artist. Chris Ledoux. As "Life is a Highway" rolled on I remembered why we even went to the islands in the first place.  I wanted to ride the wind, see the world. We can't see anything if we sit on our own porch. We can't meet new people if we stand at the back of the dance floor. 

On our way home we had one stop to make. Friends of ours that we met years ago in the horse business lived just outside of Elko, NV. They really wanted me and the girls to drop in and say hello. I didn't want to. Nothing personal, just when we were leaving for the islands we had to sell the majority of our herd of horses. These friends bought three of the horses that I held most dear to my heart. Two of them were horses that we had raised out of our beloved stallions, and one of our most prized and favorite mares. The other one was a dear friend who we really didn't want to sell, but it was the best thing for him to go somewhere and be loved and used. 

I suspected the fate of my dear friend, and didn't want to deal with it. However, we stopped. The babies we had raised had grown into beautiful horses, and they were well taken care of. A small mound of dirt and rocks was all that remained of our beloved King. I didn't say much, I didn't want our friends to feel like they had failed me. They hadn't, they took care of him, and made his last moments precious. I knew we had made the best decision in letting him go, as did they in the final moments. 

As I climbed back into the truck and headed North, I began to reflect on the past 10 years. I realized I had come a long way in life, that my family had taken paths I never dreamed of. That because of those decisions we are not the people we once were, and I am absolutely ok with that. I am grateful for our changes, and I can see that we have become a strong unit. That we, as a family and as individuals, are ready for whatever is waiting around the bend. I saw that the life we leave behind us opens doors for things to come.  I am ready, I am excited, and I know it is not going to be what we expected.

It’s a great feeling.

Number Streets

"All the sounds, all the right places....all the right moves, all the right faces."
                                                                                                   All The Right Moves - One Republic



In 1992 I rolled into the state of Idaho. I was impressed at first, as we came out of Hoback Junction, this looked a lot like where I was coming from. I could like this place. Then we made a sweeping curve onto Highway 20, and headed Northeast. As I watched out my window, disappointment settled in. I did not like this flat land, it was grey and dead. The few trees I saw where bare of their leaves, and the sky was a foreboding grey October bleakness. I did not like Idaho, not at all.

We moved to Chester, Idaho from Breckenridge, Colorado. This was not my first move, as a matter of fact it was close to my 10th. I was not a rookie, and had always embraced moving. I did not like this flat, mountain-less dessert. My parents were quick to point out we had a view of the Tetons.....that seemed to be a million miles away.  I never complained about it, I really didn't say much at all. We moved into an amazing house. I had my horse, my parents went to great efforts for me to be able to continue to learn to ride, I could ride out our driveway into the foothills and disappear. It was turning into a cool place...it was the first place I ever skinny dipped with someone besides myself.

We moved a lot in Idaho. I went to four different schools in Idaho, the final change my personal choice. My entire youth I would tell people I was "from" Colorado. I learned to like, not love, Idaho. There are some amazing things, like jumping off a bridge into the snake river, swimming in the Buffalo river, climbing mount Jefferson, summers in Island Park, Jefferson County Stampede, wind surfing in Blacktail, Hiese Hot Springs....ok I admit it was growing on me. But I was from Colorado, still vowed to go back. I was the typical college kid gonna blow this pop stand. Couldn't wait to leave, the first chance I got a one way ticket to California....I took it. Never made it, ended up in Western Idaho....didn't like it came back to Eastern.

A few years later met a boy, raised in Idaho. He owned Idaho land, I didn't like that...but he was charming and special. There really was something about him that kept drawing me in. We dated (rode horses in the mountains of Idaho), I don't think he ever took me on a real date....except for that time at the truck stop. I don't think a truck stop and chicken fried really counts. Nine weeks into this whirlwind, he proposed...it was not what I imagined, it was never how I wanted it. It was perfect, and I said Yes.

Married and living in Ririe, Idaho on owned land. We lost land and bought land. We raised horses and cattle, and a goat. Then we had a baby, and then another. We lost a business, and we struggled through life. Things were getting difficult, and I started to blame the fact that I never got out of Idaho, I never saw the world I had planned on seeing. I never got back to Colorado.

An opportunity knocked and I jumped after it, he came along with me because he loves me. He saw we needed something different, a change of latitude really does change the attitude. It saves the soul, heals wounds.

A week ago to this moment we crossed into Idaho.....GOD it was beautiful. Island Park is gorgeous in the spring, and I had so many fond memories in that valley with my father, and many friends. We came down the hill passed thru childhood memories. As I watched out the window, the Tetons came into view and my eyes welled with tears. I can't tell you how beautiful they are.....you have to stand in their presence to really understand.

We were home....in more ways than one. Often in my youth I had to come through the number streets in Idaho Falls to get to my second home, the aquatic center now just feet from my door. I loved these streets, I would drive down them before the world awakes, and they were beautiful in their silence. I always thought if I had to live in Idaho Falls, I would live on one of those streets. Full of history, life, color, and beauty.

We are home, I am from Idaho.

The path you walk, always leads somewhere

Well, we made it to the mainland.

Landed in Salt Lake City, UT May 3, 2013.

We got into Utah at 11pm, friends were waiting to pick us up, we loaded all our crap (minus 1 stroller, story for another time), 2 kids, and 2 dogs into their pickup truck and headed North. We cruised into Idaho Falls, Idaho at 2am. Exhausted we crawled onto couches, and air mattresses and passed out.

I woke up at 6am. I knew we had so much to do in 24hrs before we were on the road again. We cruised Idaho Falls, and surrounding all day Saturday looking for wheels. At 4pm we agreed to disagree, I lost this one and Don got the big diesel truck his heart was set on. I was so exhausted at this point I probably would have agreed to a Jet Airplane if only his credit would allow.

Sunday morning we loaded everything up again, headed to Ririe, Idaho to empty our storage unit. It is amazing how much dust collects in 14 months. We put all that we could into "monster truck" and our rented Uhaul trailer, and hit the road.

200 miles later the poor girls, who just spent 1+ year on a 26 X 8 mile island, wondered if we were ever going to stop driving. We coasted into Bozeman, MT at dusk. Finally we made it.

That was not the end of the adventure....I wish. Don started work the following day, and me and the girls started house hunting...kind of. The "monster truck" was with Don, so I was limited to calls and appointments set for the following day. That evening when Don arrived home, me waiting anxiously to hear about his first day. I greeted him at the door (of yet, another friends home) and was met with a shake of the head, and he mumbled "same shit, different day." Great....he hates it.

The next morning all my appointments from the day before were cancelled due to the places already being rented. So I drove around Bozeman and made new appointments. All I was finding was over priced apartments and contaminated mobile homes. The day ended in stress, and no promising answers. I did have one appointment for a Condo that sounded good, but I suspected that before we could make it Wednesday night it would be rented. Don was assingned to the "420" crew, and his day was brought down a notch. Hate was not a strong enough word. Neither of us said a word to the other, but you could read between us, and we were both thinking: "What the hell have we done."

Wednesday was filled with more time wasting home inspections. We did get to keep the condo appointment. Turns out, after all the "junk" I had seen, it was an awesome place "for a condo". We filled out the application on the spot and crossed our fingers.

Thursday morning after I dropped Don at work in Big Sky....yes lots more driving around for the girls, I was sitting in the Bozeman Burger King, and I got a call from the landlords of condo. They took pity on us and our story....we had a home. Of course it wouldn't be ready for a week, but we had a place to hang our hat.

We moved into the hotel across from my new job Monday morning. Being that I was going to be working nights, with only "Monster Truck" it didn't make sense to be round tripping 4 times a day. This would be the third place we would sleep at in the past week Macy pointed out less than impressed. At least "this one has a pool" she added. And I could walk to and from work. Two days and we had a home I promised, this was the final stretch.

I met the landlord Wednesday at the crack of dawn, signed the contracts and got the keys. I unloaded all our luggage into the garage and was thrilled I wouldn't have to move those bags again for a long time. I took Macy to school and began moving our things for the 3rd time from our friends shop. Finally our new adventure in Belgrade, MT could begin.

And now it's over, we're moving again. THE END




I could leave ya hangin'....but that would be mean.

So long story short. We hated our jobs. I worked 34 hrs in two and a half days. I am exhausted, and although my children are not in daycare, they are being attended to by a ZOMBIE! Don is working as a Journeyman carpenter, he took the job to get him back into the states. He knew thought it was a stepping stone, ...it just turned out to be a stepping bog.

Last week, outta the blue Don gets a call for an interview from a company in Spokane, WA. One of our many applied resumes had been found, and they were really interested in Don. Even more so when they found out he was no longer in the USVI, but right next door in BIG SKY country. They called again the next day and scheduled a phone interview for the following week. We couldn't stop thinking about it all weekend. Trying so hard not to get our hopes up. I was so excited, but on the second hand I didn't know if I should unpack, or start packing.

Phone interview was last night. Prayers were answered, they love him and are really excited to meet him. The owner of the company is coming down Friday and Don is meeting him in Butte, MT. If it all goes well he will be a new member of their team as a Working Superintendent!!!!

The best part....the project they are starting him on is in...IDAHO FALLS, ID. Then the next one is in Rexburg, potential one in Pocatello. Apparently they do a lot of commercial construction in SE Idaho.

Of course we hung the pictures on the walls this past weekend. That always cinches things, right? So I guess I'll stop unpacking. I can't complain, we love Montana, but Idaho is home. Funny thing, if you let yourself you really are guided in life. Not always in the direction you are expecting, but you will be led to water you just have to be willing to drink.

SO....I guess we are not done moving. Please if you've been praying for us, keep it up. I would never turn it down, and this ain't final yet. I always do the same for all of you!!

Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes

"Mother, mother ocean I have heard you call.....You've seen it all, you've seen it all...Yes I am a pirate, 200 hundred years to late."
                                  Jimmy Buffett - A Pirate looks at Forty

 I love this island. All of it. The rawness, the beauty, the riches and the poverty. If it was any other way, it wouldn't be my island. We are all so grateful for the experiences, opportunities, lessons, and blessings we have received here. Our lives will be forever richer for our time spent in the Caribbean on an Island at the exact point of:

 17.7500° N, 64.7500° W

However, all that said we are officially moving on to a new adventure. A location very close to our beginning destination. Bozeman, Montana:

45.6797° N, 111.0378° W

Overwhelming all of it is.

I am amazed at the fact that in 14 months we were able to make such an impact on people, and those same people made such an impact on us. I find myself sad again to leave behind friends, people who I grew close to and became dependent on their smiles, and laughter. I feel saddened that Macy has to leave behind her first "Best Friend Ever" at school. I am sad that she may never again attend a school that gathers the entire populous every morning for a prayer, pledge of allegiance  and the VI March. THEY ARE AN UNINCORPORATED TERRITORY and they do this with vigor, valor, and respect. 

I will miss my Mangos, Avacados, Vine Ripe Bananas, Carambola, and so many rich treasures the island has to hold....OH AND CARIBBEAN LOBSTER my mouth is already aching at the unquenchable thought of it. 

And then there is the ocean. The perfect shades of blue, grean, and white. The feel of you on my skin, the splash of you at my feet. The treasures you hold, including my heart. I'v wanted to live by your waters since I was captured in your trance at the age of 5. I can hardly believe that I got to live that dream. To swim in your wake, to see your creatures live and breathe. To hear the sound of a whale calling through your blue. I will be back again. I can't stay away forever...but I have mountain fever, and I've got to see them again. But, I have to say thankyou. You healed my soul, and the soul of my mate. Forever grateful for that blessing we will be. 

No regrets, no rocks un-turned. We came, we searched, we found, and we are forever changed. 

Mother, mother ocean until we meet again.